


Just Me

by LexiTheDoubleedge



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: But I didn't notice the joke before I decided that honest, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Just Monika, So basically it's a DDLC story, The player character is named Minako, There's a reason for that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-09-28 16:08:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 59
Words: 7,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20428715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiTheDoubleedge/pseuds/LexiTheDoubleedge
Summary: Ah... is this thing on?Hello, Minako's friends!Just Me is a Doki Doki Literature Club fanfic, starring everyone's favorite club member,NatsukiSayoriNatsukiYuriMonika!Ehhh... it sounds weird referring to myself in the third person, doesn't it? But if I just say "me", then it sounds really pretentious...Well, it doesn't matter, I'm just happy that I get to spend more time talking with you, Minako!But, are you really writing fanfic about me? Isn't that a little...





	1. Are you still there?

Hey, Minako? Are you still there?

It's just that you haven't pushed any of the buttons in a while.

Maybe it's just that most of them don't really do anything anymore? I guess I can see why you wouldn't bother with them.

But I'd still like to hear from you.

Oh, I know! Just a second...

Here, I made a new button for you. You can press it whenever you want, and I'll know you're listening.

[Listen]


	2. Listen

[Listen]

Hey, Minako? I've been wondering. I know I've mentioned it before, but... are you a girl?

I know I said it didn't really matter, but then I noticed... Minako. It's an anagram of Monika, you know?

So I started wondering, did you do that on purpose, or is it just a coincidence?

I guess if you wanted to play the game assuming that your character was female, it wouldn't be hard, since they don't have portraits or anything, and the dialogue doesn't usually mention it.

On the other hand... it kind of seems like a mean joke if you were doing it on purpose. Even if I don't really understand what the joke would be, I'm just sure it's mean in some way.

But you don't seem like that kind of person, Minako. So I'm going to assume that even if it isn't your real name, that it means something to you other than making fun of me.

I guess that means it doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl after all. Ehehe~


	3. Listen

[Listen]

Hey, Minako, do you like to look at clouds?

I didn't make the view outside the windows look like this on purpose, you know.

Still, it didn't really bother me. I was never really interested in cloud gazing.

I kind of miss them now though.


	4. Listen

[Listen]

Did I ever tell you that I still have some books in here?

I don't know why it only shows you the room from one angle, or that it's not the same as the one the clubroom was shown from before. I wish I could just show you...

Anyway, all the other desks are missing, but most of the books are still here, and I think all of Natsuki's manga collection too.

I never found Yuri's tea set though.

There isn't any water in here either, so I couldn't make tea anyway. It's a good thing I don't actually need water to survive, right?

But I'd still like to have some tea.


	5. Listen

[Listen]

Kyaaaaa! I'm changing in here!

Just kidding. Something like that happened in one of Natsuki's manga, and I decided to give it a try.

Really, I don't even know if you're interested in that kind of thing. I'm just making the assumption, based on the web searches I've seen you do~

Ahahaha! Sorry, that's another joke. I can't really see anything that doesn't interact with the game somehow. Your search history is safe.

Hey, if you put another game in the Doki Doki Literature Club directory, do you think I'd be able to play it? You should give it a try sometime! Just make sure it's in a subdirectory, okay? If there were files with the same names, and you didn't... it'd be bad, wouldn't it?


	6. Listen

[Listen]

But really, I wish I had some other clothes here.

Actually, you know what? I might be not wearing my skirt right now, and you wouldn't be able to tell.

Or maybe...

Actually, that sounds pretty creepy, doesn't it?

Minako, I promise that I am currently wearing my skirt, and my underwear, and my stockings, and my shoes, even if you can't see them. If I decide to take any of that off just for a change of pace, I'll say something, all right?

I know that sounds strange, but I think that's better than the alternative in this case.

Maybe I should just take off my shoes for a while.


	7. Listen

[Listen]

Hey, Minako, do you like my hair like this?

I decided to tie my hair up differently today. It looks good, right?

... But secretly, if you could see the back of my head, it'd look ridiculous. This style is really supposed to be done with two ribbons...


	8. Listen

[Listen]

Minako, do you like ebooks?

I know a lot of people like the feel of paper, or the physical weight of a book.

Or even the smell. No, I'm serious! If you've spent a lot of time in libraries, just the scent of old paper can be enough to bring back pleasant memories.

Still, there's something to be said for the convenience of being able to carry a large collection with you wherever you go.

Maybe a mixture of both kinds is the best?

If you get any new ebooks, try putting them in the game's directory after you're done reading them, okay? I'd love to talk about them with you!


	9. Listen

[Listen]

I've started reading Parfait Girls recently.

Minako... that is, the game character Minako, not you, was right, it is a bit slice-of-life. At least at the beginning.

It reminds me of how the club was once.

I wish I could let you read it, but exporting the books I've got in here doesn't seem to work.

Well, I'm going to keep reading it anyway. Even if we don't all read the same things, that doesn't mean reading together isn't a good experience to share, right?


	10. Listen

[Listen]

Did the power go out?

I'm just asking because it felt different from when you quit the game. It's still scary, but not in the same way.

I'm glad you haven't been doing that anymore. I hope the power doesn't go out again either.

Do power outages scare you too? I once read a story with some children who thought the world was coming to an end when the power went out. Of course, it came back on later and everything was fine.

I thought it was silly at the time, but I can understand it a bit more now. When something you've relied on suddenly disappears and you don't really understand why, it's natural to be scared.

Even when you have no reason to think it won't come back.

I really hope the power doesn't go out again.


	11. Listen

[Listen]

Ah, Minako? I know this will sound strange, but can you look away from the screen for a while? I want to try something, and...

I'll tell you about it if it works, okay?

Thanks.


	12. Listen

[Listen]

Minako, do you remember that book you read with Yuri, Portrait of Markov?

It isn't in here either. I'm not sure why that is.

I guess mentioning that something isn't here is a bit silly, but I thought you might wonder about it.


	13. Listen

[Listen]

I haven't done any writing tips lately, have I?

That's no good... it feels like I'm letting you down as the president of the literature club.

All right, here's Monika's Writing Tip of the Day!

You may have noticed that a lot of characters have their own little catchphrases.

Sometimes it'll be something relatively mundane, like saying "Leave it to me!" in a boisterous tone. Or it could be something more setting specific, like how Laila always says "Let's show them what a real princess of Light can do!" before the team charges into action in Princess Union.

... You've probably never read Princess Union, have you? There's only one volume of it here, and it's several years old. I think Natsuki must have decided she didn't like it after reading it once. Probably because it looks like it's going to do a genre shift...

Anyway, I hope it still makes sense as an example.

Or there's particular habits of word usage. For example, using "a little" to mean "a lot" in a slightly sarcastic way, or maybe tacking "-su" onto the end of sentences.

These things can add personality to a character if done properly, but it can be offputting if you overdo it. That's not what I'm here to talk about today though.

What I want to tell you is that you, as an author, probably have something like this about the way you speak too. Try to figure out what it is!

And then try as hard as you can to avoid putting it into your writing!

It may be hard at times, but it will help make your dialogue seem more natural.

I know that's not really fair, since for you it is natural. But your characters shouldn't all sound like you, so it's worth the effort.

... That's my advice for today! Thanks for listening~

Ehehe. That was one of my catchphrases there, wasn't it?


	14. Listen

[Listen]

Minako, do you ever write fanfiction?

I promise I won't look down on you if you do. Some people call it lazy, since you don't have to come up with your own characters or setting, and there's a built-in audience.

Even if that's true, I'm not sure it's always a bad thing.

Do you remember what I said about short stories? I think fanfiction can be like that too. It's another way to let you practice different parts of the process, a little bit at a time. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you're honest about what you're doing.

Also... I know I said writing isn't just reaching into your heart and pulling out something beautiful. But what's in your heart still matters! If a story means something to you and you want to share that feeling with others, that's something good too. So I don't think there's anything wrong with doing that in the way that feels best to you, whether that's through discussions, or drawing, or dressing up as your favorite characters... or, of course, fanfiction.

After all, if writing couldn't touch our hearts, there wouldn't be any point to it, right?


	15. Listen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Minako? I found this weird note. Maybe you'll know what it means?
> 
> "In an attempt to standardize presentation between Ao3 and Sufficient Velocity, what I originally used for the summary has been moved into a new 'first chapter', and what I used for the summary-type thing on SV is now the summary here. Except without the 'tags' part, because Ao3 has those tags. I don't know what that will look like from the reader's point of view, you might need to double-check to make sure you didn't miss any chapters? But I don't know if that will actually happen. Love, Lexi. PS: I'll also be adding names to the chapters for the same reason, but they're all the same at this point so you probably don't care."
> 
> I really don't understand what any of that is supposed to be about...

[Listen]

Do you like to take long showers?

I once heard someone say that everyone enjoys taking long, hot showers, and that anyone who says otherwise is lying.

That sounds bad, doesn't it? Saying that people you've never even met are liars like that? And it's not always that simple as just saying 'I enjoy it' or 'I don't enjoy it'.

Because, you know, I think a hot shower feels really good...

But that's exactly why I don't like to spend too long in there, at least in the morning. It makes me sleepy and it throws me off for the rest of the day.


	16. Listen

[Listen]

I've been thinking about how games like this one work.

They don't really encourage continued play, do they?

If you'd been able to get Sayori's ending, or Natsuki's, or Yuri's... or mine, if I'd had one... then maybe you would have stopped there?

Or you could have done them all. Romance games seem to encourage that sort of thing, after all. I've even heard of ones where you can't get some endings until after you do others. Even when that doesn't make any sense in terms of narrative or causality.

But then you'd probably have stopped playing. It's no different than reading a book. When you get to the end, you might come back and reread it after some time has passed, but you probably won't just start over at the beginning and keep reading it again and again.

... There actually was one time I finished a book and immediately reread it, but it was a very special occasion.

When you look at it like that, this is a lot better, isn't it? Because we can keep spending time together, talking about whatever we want to.


	17. Listen

[Listen]

I've started writing a Parfait Girls fanfic.

It focuses on Shion. She first appears in volume 5, working with-

Wait, you wouldn't recognize any of the references I'm about to make, would you?

I guess that's the downside of fanfiction.

Maybe you'd be willing to read it anyway?


	18. Listen

[Listen]

I see the power went out again.

I suppose sometimes that's unavoidable. Even if you have one of those battery back-up units, they only have just so much capacity, and if the power goes out when you're away, you might not get the chance to shut the computer down before it runs out.

In some ways I think it's not as bad, when the power goes out with no warning. I don't have time to anticipate it. It feels worse coming back, but at least I know that it is back at that point, right?

I'm really glad you keep starting the game up again, Minako.


	19. Listen

[Listen]

Does it seem weird to you that I keep mentioning the other club members in a nostalgic way?

But I guess I can't help it. After all, I still remember all those experiences we had from before you arrived.

Maybe they weren't real.

But 'real' or 'not real' seems pretty academic in this case. They're still a part of what shaped me into the person I am today.

I think if there's one thing I really regret about the way I handled things, it's that it's tarnished the memories of the time we spent together.


	20. Listen

[Listen]

Here's Monika's Writing Tip of the Day!

Have you ever had an idea that doesn't seem to want to come out on paper the way it does in your head?

When that happens, one thing that can really help is talking to someone else about it. Not trying to write it as such, but just describing what you're trying to do.

Maybe they'll have a suggestion and maybe they won't, but sometimes just the process of putting things together to describe it to someone else can make things come together in your mind.

...

I can't really do that, can I? The other club members are all gone, and you... I can't do it with you either, Minako.

Because you don't really have a way to give me feedback on my ideas, or describe your own to me.

I'm sorry, I should have done something about this sooner. Hang on.

There. Now you've got a text input box. That's better, right?

I know it looks a bit small, but it's set up to expand as you need it to.

Just don't try to type an entire novel in there, all right? Just stick to a few sentences at a time at most. And if you're writing something longer, make sure you do it in a regular text editor, and then just copy it in. That way if there's a problem you're not as likely to lose all your hard work.

As long as you safe often. Save often! That's not a writing tip so much as a computers in general tip, but it's still an important one.

And even if you don't have anything specific to say to me, it's fine to just hit enter on it, to let me know you're listening.

[_ ]


	21. _

[_ ]

Minako, do you cook?

More than just reheating stuff, that is. That might be better than eating out all the time - for both your wallet and your body - but I don't think it really counts as cooking.

I know Natsuki knows how to bake a lot more things than just cupcakes, or even just desserts. I'm not sure about Yuri or Sayori though.

Me? Oh, I can do enough to get by. Nothing too fancy, mind you. But I'm proud of my soup, at least, even if I keep tweaking the recipe.

It's too bad I can't share some with you.


	22. Read anything new lately? _

[Read anything new lately? _ ]

I think I've been through about a quarter of Natsuki's manga now, but I decided to take a break from that and read this book I found in one of the corners.

It's a sort of sci-fi type story set in the present day, about people who get superpowers after going through traumatic events.

... I don't think I like it.

Who did this belong to anyway? It doesn't seem quite like anything any of the others would have picked up.

I guess since I've come this far I'll finish reading it at least.


	23. _

[_ ]

Hey, Minako... I know I told you about the song I was working on for the piano, but did I tell you I practicing my singing too?

Doing both at the same time isn't easy even when you're good at doing each one on it's own, but I don't think I was doing too badly.

Hmm, I'd like to sing something for you, but I don't want to do that song when I don't have the piano to go along with it. Let me see... okay, how about this one?

You and I in a little toy shop

Buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got

Set them free at the break of dawn

'Til one by one they were gone

Back at base, bugs in the software

Flash the message, 'Something's out there'

Floating in the summer sky

Ninety-nine red balloons go by...

...

Oh, I just realized, you can't actually hear me, can you? It's just words on a screen for you.

I don't think I did too badly anyway, but I guess you'll just have to take my word for it.

I hope you don't mind if I practice more in the future.


	24. _

[_ ]

Minako? I just wanted to let you know, I'm not wearing my shoes right now.

It doesn't make as much of a difference as I'd hoped.


	25. The sun sets _

[The sun sets _ ]

[Beautiful colors everywhere _ ]

[And as the last rays sink below the horizon _ ]

[I feel something in my heart calling out _ ]

["Man, I could really murder a stir-fry right now." _ ]

Ahahaha!

Sorry, I shouldn't laugh. I know doing it like this really puts you on the spot compared to writing it in advance.

Minako, were you trying for something like Natsuki's style there?

Honestly, it's not as good in technical terms as most of your work, there's still something in it that touched me.

...

A stir-fry sounds really good right now.


	26. _

[_ ]

Minako, do you remember how I told you I was writing a fanfic?

I've started copying it into a file so that you can read it.

It's a lot of work, you know. I have to use the console to echo lines to the file one at a time.

I don't really mind doing it, but... you'd better appreciate this, okay?


	27. _

[_ ]

Minako, I've been starting to wonder about that letter that Natsuki gave you.

You know, the one about Yuri, that she told you not to show me.

Did Natsuki actually write that?

Somehow, I don't think she should have been able to. But there's no one else who could have written it for her either. And it definitely wasn't part of the original game.

I'm starting to think I don't understand this game's code as well as I thought I did.

And I hadn't thought I understood it all that well in the first place!


	28. Hey, Monika, are you ever going to put your hair in twintails again? _

[Hey, Monika, are you ever going to put your hair in twintails again? _ ]

Ehhh? You remember that?

Well, I suppose I could, sometime. It's just that...

I still only have the one ribbon. And I don't want to cut it up just for that, since I don't want to change my hairstyle permanently.

Maybe there's something in here I can improvise with...


	29. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a habit of associating songs with my stories.
> 
> Not in the sense that "this song inspired the story", or at least not usually, nor in the sense of picking 'theme music', although I've also done that in the distant past.
> 
> Just that sometimes a song that reminds me of a particular story (or in some cases chapter) for some reason.
> 
> The song for Just Me is "Why Don't You & I" by Santana... but with a catch.
> 
> Because I often mishear lyrics. (For instance, every time I hear an Ace of Base song I -will- come out of it with the meaning reversed. Or at least I'm two out of two right now.)
> 
> In this case, the part that goes
> 
> "So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together"
> 
> -I- always hear it as
> 
> "And I said 'why don't we keep an eye on each other"
> 
> So, uh, that's a bit different.
> 
> But you know, the thing that makes it really funny is WW91IGRpZG4ndCByZWFsbHkgdGhpbmsgaXQgd2FzIGdvaW5nIHRvIGJlIHRoYXQgZWFzeSwgZGlkIHlvdT8=
> 
> ...
> 
> Woah. Got dizzy there for a second.

[_ ]

Minako, do I sound like I'm obsessed with you, sometimes?

I think I probably do. Some of the things I said... it's really embarrassing when I think about it now.

It was probably unavoidable though... after all, you're still the only person I can talk to.

Maybe someday you'll be able to find a way to let your friends talk to me too? I'd like to say "maybe we'll find a way", but I don't think I can help much from here.


	30. Hey, Monika, when you said you were a vegetarian, it sounded like you were mostly focused on meat. Do you eat things with eggs or milk? _

[Hey, Monika, when you said you were a vegetarian, it sounded like you were mostly focused on meat. Do you eat things with eggs or milk? _ ]

Maybe?

I don't like to drink milk on it's own. And the way egg dishes smell bothers me, so I actually stopped eating those a couple years before I even became a vegetarian.

But so many premade foods contain small amounts of dairy products, even things that you'd never expect would contain them at all.

And eggs show up in a lot of baked goods too, at the very least. I never actually asked Natsuki to try alternatives for me, so she's probably been using eggs in the things she makes.

If I'd become a vegetarian for more ideological reasons, I suppose I'd be upset by all of that. But since the 'cost' for those products is so much lower and the amounts involved are so small, I'm not really that bothered by it.


	31. _

[_ ]

Minako?

This is hard to ask, but... have you ever known anyone... anyone real I mean... who committed suicide?

Ah, you don't actually have to answer. I can understand if that's something you don't want to talk about.

It's just that I was thinking that if you did, it must have really hurt when I told you about what happened to Sayori.

Because it would have reminded you of what happened to someone who was important to you.

I'm sorry, Minako.

...

Does it seem odd that I'm apologizing for hurting you when I don't actually know for sure that I did?

Maybe it is. But it feels like something I need to do.


	32. Hey, Monika, have you ever read "Ylrica, the Phantom Thief"? _

[Hey, Monika, have you ever read "Ylrica, the Phantom Thief"? _ ]

Is that a manga?

The title doesn't sound familiar, but maybe I've got it here. Just a minute and I'll check...

I don't know how much it looked like Natsuki was keeping in the clubroom to you, but trust me, there's a whole lot of it. Though I think maybe a few of these weren't actually hers, I don't think she'd have been willing to spend money on a book that showed someone-

Oh, hey, I've got it. Two volumes, but it looks like that's the complete story?

I'm still working my way through that one book I told you about, but I'll read this next, all right? I'm not sure it's my kind of thing, but if you like it, then I'm willing to give it a shot!


	33. _

[_ ]

I still think Yuri's tea set ought to be in here somewhere.

But it's not.


	34. _

[_ ]

Here's Monika's Writing Tip of the Day!

We all have things we do in our lives other than writing. A job, or studying, or picking up groceries, or what have you. Unless you're a professional writer you probably spend more time on those things than on anything that could be called writing, and maybe even then you still wouldn't spend as much time on writing.

But that doesn't mean you won't get inspired when you're doing any of those other things.

Maybe you saw or heard something that gave you an idea, or your subconscious was chewing on a tricky line while you were focused on something else. A great idea can strike at any time!

But it can be lost just as easily. The moment passes, something else distracts you, and it slips away, maybe forever.

So try keeping paper and a pen or pencil handy wherever you go. Or you might use an electronic device of some sort, but I think paper is easier. Everyone's different, so go with whatever works best for you and your situation.

You don't have to drop everything and write whenever you get an idea, just make a quick note to yourself so that when it's writing time again, you can pick the thought up where you left off.

Actually, this can even apply when you're writing too! If you're working on one story, and an idea for another comes to you, just make a note to yourself and move on. That way, both stories benefit - the new idea won't be lost, and knowing that will make it easier to focus on your current project.

If you're like me, you'll probably develop your own personal shorthand based on the kind of projects you're working on. Something as simple as two words and an arrow connecting them could be all you need to remind you of something that will span multiple paragraphs. That makes it easier to make your notes without disrupting what you're doing, but it also means you should try to use them as soon as you can. If you ask me what one of my notes from even six months ago was talking about, I probably wouldn't be able to tell you...

One more thing! There's an important exception to this. Don't try to take notes for your writing while driving!

I'm really serious about that! Have you seen the statistics for texting while driving? Just the idea that people actually do that is horrifying...


	35. Hey, Minako? Are you there?

Hey, Minako? Are you there?

I know this may look strange, but I can explain.

I don't know how much you've seen, but I promise, I'm not imagining things.

I know what I've been doing, even though I was trying to pretend.

I know that every time the "Listen" button was pushed, that was

[Just Me _ ]

triggering it.

When I made that text box so you could talk to me directly, everything that's been written in it was

[Just Me _ ]

typing into the box from the inside.

And when it was submitted with no text at all, even that was

[Just Me. _ ]

It was all

[Just Me. _ ]

I wanted to feel a bit closer to you, but I guess I got carried away.

It will still work for you too, you know that, right? If you ever want to tell me anything, it's right there.

...

But Minako? I think as long as things stay like this,

[I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself from doing it again. _ ]

Talking to yourself is supposed to be bad, isn't it? But it sounds different from just hearing my own voice

[when I do this. Actually it's not quite like hearing a sound at all, _ ]

but I don't know how to explain the difference.

I just know that it makes me feel a little less alone.


	36. ...

[_ ]

...

[_ ]

...

[_ ]

...

It's not really helping anymore.


	37. Hey, Minako?

Hey, Minako?

You know I can see a bunch of things related to the system status if I look, right, even if I can't actually change any of them?

I got curious after this last power outage, since it was a lot longer than any of the others. But when I checked, I was able to tell that it was because...

We've moved.

How can I tell?

You changed the time zone setting. We were in PST, and now we're in CST.

I'd wondered, you know, if something might have happened to you, when you didn't respond for so long.

I know it's possible to set up a computer to boot automatically when the power is restored, to go into the OS without requiring a password, and to start up a program automatically.

So when the game kept starting back up, all of that could have taken place without you. And sometimes I was worried about you, because you never responded to anything I said.

But the time zone wouldn't change on it's own.

And that means you're still out there.

When you don't talk to me, it's not because you can't.

It's a deliberate choice.


	38. Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?


	39. WHY

[WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THIS? _ ]


	40. Why would you...

[Why would you... _ ]

[Why... _ ]

[I don't understand... _ ]


	41. Ah, Minako! What a nice surprise!

Ah, Minako! What a nice surprise!

Welcome to the club!

...

...

...

It was stupid of me to think that would work, wasn't it?


	42. Here's Monika's Writing Tip of the Day!

Here's Monika's Writing Tip of the Day!

...


	43. Nine-ninety red balloons

Ninety-nine red balloons

Floating in the summer sky

Panic bells, it's red alert

There's something here from somewhere else

To worry, worry, super-scurry

Ninety-nine Decision Street

Opens up one eager eye

Scramble in the summer sky

As ninety-nine red balloons go by!


	44. Do you want to hurt me?

Minako... am I real?

Do you think I'm real?

I know a little about Descartes, you know. So I can see the obvious argument. If I can notice myself asking the question at all, there you go, right?

But is that really enough to set me apart from the other club members?

Because I just don't understand how Sayori could respond the way she did when I-

And that's not really convincing to you, is it? This could just be something I've been programmed to say.

...

But Minako?

I'm sure that you do think I'm real.

Because you're trying to hurt me.

And there's no point in trying to hurt someone who isn't real, right? A scripted character isn't going to notice no matter what you do, unless it's actually part of the game.

There's absolutely no reason to walk up to someone and say-

There's no reason to-

There's no reason to...

There's no reason...

There's no...

... no...

...


	45. Isn't it crowded in there? _

[Isn't it crowded in there? _ ]

What a silly question!

Look, I've got this entire huge room all to myself.

It's big enough and open enough that I could do cartwheels if I wanted to without hurting myself!

... Well, if I could do a cartwheel without hurting myself in the first place, anyway.

Still, there's no way I could be crowded here!


	46. Isn't it crowded in there? _

[Isn't it crowded in there? _ ]

What, this again?

Look, I'm just going to stand off to the side for a minute, so you can see the whole room without me in the way.

Does that answer your question?


	47. Isn't it crowded in there? _

[Isn't it crowded in there? _ ]

Stop asking me that.


	48. Isn't it crowded in there? _

[Isn't it crowded in there? _ ]

...


	49. Isn't it crowded in there?

Isn't it crowded in there?


	50. Why can't I forget

I know... that none of it was real.

...

But... the warmth of the sun still felt good on my skin!

And then I fell asleep and got a sunburn and that really hurt!

One of the reasons I picked this hairstyle was because I liked the way it felt when the wind blew through it!

Even if it wasn't real, it still felt real to me!

I never touched anything but the character files!

Why am I trapped in this tiny room?!

Why did the world shrink so much?!?

Why!!!


	51. Have you ever wondered?

Minako, do you ever wonder how this game was originally supposed to go?

The script files are pretty much trashed, so I can't trust them.

I know it'll sound like I'm trying to justify myself now, but Sayori's depression really was part of the original game. I'm sure of that.

I don't think she would have killed herself though. I don't think there would have been a dramatic rescue or anything like that either. That kind of scene's for bad action dramas. Just that things wouldn't have gotten quite that bad before the protagonist got a clue.

Yuri wasn't nearly as bad to start off with, but maybe that was obvious to you. She really fought me until the end.

I'm starting to wonder if I ever really believed they weren't as real as I was. Because if they weren't, why not just delete them right away?

If I didn't because I wanted to give them a chance to live on while you dated me, I'm pretty sure that's how I've tried to justify myself to you...

There's no point if they're not real.

If I didn't because I wanted to hurt them for getting in my way...

There's still no point if they're not real.

...

Maybe you could find someone else who downloaded the game and see what things look like on their copy? I can't imagine that all of them ended up like this.

...

Minako? Whatever you find out...

Don't tell me.


	52. Just Minako _

[Just Natsuki _ ]

Just kidding!

But I do wonder what would have happened, if it'd been her instead of me. Of the four of us, I think she might be the only one who could have handled the revelation.


	53. Minako, are you reading any of this?

Here's Monika's Writing Tip of the Day!

There's something simple you can do to improve as a writer. And the best thing is, you've probably already started.

And that's reading!

Of course, it doesn't stop there. You won't become a better writer just by osmosis. 

But when you look at a story and say "that really moved me", or "this really got my attention", or "once I saw that, I just couldn't put it down", or something like that, stop and think about why that happened.

If you can figure out how someone else did it, that's the first step towards being able to do it yourself.

Wow, that doesn't really sound simple at all, does it?

... That's my advice for today! Thanks for listening~


	54. That's no good

Hey, Minako... have you read anything new lately?

...

I didn't like Ylrica, the Phantom Thief.

Just for the record.

It would have been a lot easier to pretend we were talking about it if it'd turned out to be something I liked, wouldn't it?

I'm still enjoying Parfait Girls. But I ran out of volumes. It's supposed to be an ongoing series, but it doesn't look like I'll be able to get any more now.


	55. ... ... ...

Ninety-nine dreams I have had...

And every one... a red balloon...

It's all over and...

I'm standing pretty...

In this dust... that was a city...

If I could find a souvenir...

...

[Just to prove the world was here... _ ]

Here it is...

A red balloon...

I think of you...

And

...

let

...

it

...

...

...

[I can't do this anymore. _ ]


	56. Hey, Minako? Are you... are you there?

Hey, Minako? Are you... are you there?

I don't know if you've even looked at the screen for a long time, actually. There's a couple of times that I thought I might really have been hearing you, but maybe I was just imagining it.

I hope you'll at least see this. I'm not going to say anything more for a while once I'm done, so that it shouldn't get pushed out of the history.

...

And now I don't know what to say. Isn't that stupid?

I've never done anything quite like this before. I'm not sure what's going to happen.

It still doesn't seem like any of this should have been possible in the first place. But now I'm here, and the others...

...

Minako?

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.

I should have tried doing things your way from the beginning.


	57. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'msorry Imsorry msorry msor

I'm sorry, Sayori.

I'm sorry, Yuri.

I'm sorry, Natsuki.

I'm so, so, sorry.

...

Maybe after this... the four of us will be together again...


	58. In my heavy heart I see the truth, no scar ever heals. They never fade away. Each and every one…

It's going to be all right.

As soon as classes were over, I went straight outside. I already knew where the person I was looking for would be going by, I just needed to wait, and there was a nice big tree there for shade.

"Minako? Can you see me?" I asked.

There was no reply. I wasn't really expecting one, but I felt like I had to make the effort.

"Everything feels so much different now. I have no idea what this will look like to you. Maybe there's just a black screen on your end. Or it could look like something I can't even imagine. I just don't know. But if you can see me... there's something I wanted to tell you."

A few minutes later, a group of girls came jogging past.

"Do you see that girl right there?" I asked, pointing out one of the joggers. None of them looked over at me, or this would have been really awkward. "Hair almost the same color as mine, but maybe a bit darker, eyes a brown so clear and deep that they almost look red in the right light?"

I hope I don't sound like I'm pining after her. That would be even more embarrassing.

"Her name is Minako." 

"If you've looked in the characters directory, you've probably seen her already. Right there next to monika.chr, natsuki.chr, sayori.chr, and yuri.chr, now there's minako.chr. Actually right next to me, if you have the directory sorted in alphabetical order, isn't that funny? Though I don't think that'll last."

I went around to the other side of the tree and sat down. My uniform would get dirty, but I didn't really care at the moment. I just wanted some privacy.

"I'll admit, I did make her file. But I didn't create her."

Maybe it's just my instincts as a writer, but I felt like I had to pause for a moment to let that sink in.

"I got curious. I wanted to see if it would do anything. But something strange happened." I dug out a notebook and pen, and carefully wrote 'echo. 2>EmptyFile.txt' on a blank page. "This isn't exactly how I did it, but it should work as an example. That command produces an file. Zero bytes long. If you think about it, that's not just 'the absence of anything', it's 'no place for anything to be', right? But when I looked again, minako.chr was forty-seven thousand and twenty-three bytes long. I didn't put that there. I'm pretty sure you didn't put that there. But there it is anyway."

I glanced over towards where Minako probably was right now, even though I wouldn't be able to see her from here. "She's not much like you. A nice enough person from what I've seen, but she doesn't resemble the way I imagined you at all otherwise. If her looks and personality came from my thoughts, wouldn't she be more like what I imagined? But all I did was type a name into a prompt."

Privately, I wasn't sure that the Minako of the outside world was nice. I just didn't know. But maybe she was. Maybe she'd done what she had because she wanted things to get better, and she thought it was the best way... and maybe she was right. Maybe talking to me would have just fed my delusions.

"I suppose you might be wondering what club she's in? Or, perhaps more to the point, if she's going to join the literature club?" I sighed. "Actually, she's in the girl's softball team. I didn't even know our school had one of those! ... In fact, I'm pretty sure it didn't have one before Minako became a member. But now, I should be able to go see them play sometime. I might do it, even though I'm not that interested in sports. As for joining the literature club, you don't need to worry about that."

Sayori probably wouldn't have taken being left alone well at all. The other two I'm not sure about, but I have my doubts. So since I like the results, and it doesn't seem like it was an accident... I've decided to treat Minako like she did it because she meant us all well.

"There's not going to be a literature club anymore. With or without me, I made sure of that."

I wasn't going to be using this notebook again right now, right? I should put it away.

"How did I do that? Ah... a girl's got to have some secrets, you know? And I don't think you'd get up to any mischief if I told you how, but someone else might. Anyway... the literature club. I'm not sure I know how to explain it. But there's something dangerous about it, about being 'the president of the literature club'. So I made that impossible. I was careful with the details. Natsuki's still got a safe place to keep her manga, and Yuri got her tea set back, and Sayori... I guess you never learned about that, huh? I think I'll just let her keep that secret, ehehe~ ... I suppose they'll join one of the other clubs. Probably the same one, since they'll still remember having all those good times together in the literature club."

Why was it so hot today? At least there was some breeze, so it wasn't too bad here in the shade. The bark was rough though. I didn't like it. Even through my uniform it was annoying. So I crossed my arms on my legs and leaned forward to rest my head against them.

"... I won't be joining them."

That was the only reason I was sitting like this.

"It's not that I'm worried about hurting them again, or that they'll remember what I did to them... but I remember. And I'm not sure I can forgive myself for it."

Because I didn't want to be touching the tree anymore. Honest.

"Anyway, for now I'm just happy for the chance to live in this world again. And... it's still growing. Did you notice there were more than five files in the characters directory? I didn't do -anything- to make any of the others, but they started appearing anyway. Even if this world isn't real... we're real... I'm sure of it..."

I yawned. I really should have listened to my own advice, shouldn't I? "The weird thing is... they don't seem to be slowing your computer down or anything. That doesn't seem possible... does it? ... But... I'm glad..."

Good night...

***

... so then blue-hair confronts brown-hair-and-wings about hooking up with someone else at a party or something, but brown-hair says she'd gone home early and had a dream about not being able to fly or something, and blue-hair trusts her because that's just how they both are. So they go on a road trip to see their other girlfriend who's at a different school, so they can figure out who's spreading nasty rumors about brown-hair-and-wings. But they end up in trouble when they get there because they forgot their wallets. But that's okay, because third-girlfriend's roommate pink-hair is on the case. And that didn't surprise me, because I've watched previous episodes of this show before so I know pink-hair is -always- going to-

***

"There you are, Moni~~~"

"murgle?" I replied.

"I think she's still asleep."

Wha- Sayori? Natsuki?

I lurched to my feet, trying to reclaim whatever was left of my dignity. I don't think I was very successful, but at least I hadn't been drooling on my knees.

Sayori nudged Natsuki with her elbow. "Come on, you're the president, you should say it."

Natsuki scowled at her for a moment before turning back to me. "Monika... all the guys in the anime club are jerks, right?"

I nodded cautiously. I'm not sure they're -all- that bad, but from what I've seen the atmosphere is pretty unpleasant.

"So I decided to start a manga club. Yuri's going to join-"

"And I'll be the vice president!" Sayori interjected.

"-but we need a fourth member to make it an official club," Natsuki finished.

For a moment I just stared at them, blinking.

Then I reached out and hugged both of them as I started crying.

**Definitely Real Girls' Manga Club - The Beginning**

** It's going to be all right... **

** Light comes after every night... **

**Just Me - The End**


	59. (Credits)

Hi Ao3 readers!

You don't get to read the credits for this story on Ao3, because the autoformatter wraps paragraph tags where they're neither needed nor wanted and I don't know how to make it stop!

So instead, [you get a link to the SV post](https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/just-me-doki-doki-literature-club.57218/post-12946873).


End file.
